Breathe Again
by wandering-sojourner
Summary: He's dead, she told herself. That's why you woke up to find his bed empty. That's why Talia tersely told you and your party to stay in Clearwater to train up to fight the next daeva. Yet, she wondered. Why does remembering hurt so much? Songfic Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles , Rhen x Lars. :


She was back in time for the Spring Equinox festival. A whole year since she was mistakenly abducted; everyone had thought her dead and were overjoyed when they saw she had come to no lasting harm. She'd felt happy, but not as happy as she thought she would have been. Instead, an aching gnawed at her heart, as she looked over at her party and searched for someone who wasn't there.

Nowadays she liked to spend time alone after training with her party, even as the festival drew near. She sat by the waterfall away from the buzzing of the small town, barely hearing the familiar, steady rush of the water as it pounded down over the cliff. One hand, in which she held her sword by its hilt, was wrapped with what seemed like the remnants of a rag. In the other she held a metal carving of a marionbell, fingering the edges as she gazed at the real one growing out of the grassy patch around the stream from which the waterfall flowed.

A marionbell; friendship, or something else?

How long had it been since she'd last let herself care so much?

_Car is parked, bags are packed,_

_but what kind of heart doesn't look back_  
_At the comfortable glow from the porch,_

_the one I will still call yours?_

He sat up in bed, his lower back aching from the laceration the monster had made. The effects of which she would have suffered had he not shielded her, he now bore. Talia and the herbs the healer had prescribed had healed the worst of his injury, but his body was still weak. The rest of the party had gone on ahead to Clearwater, where Rhen could be more at ease while she trained. At least that was what Talia had carefully phrased, but both of them knew she was still hurting. And he had a funny feeling he knew why, even before Talia told him what happened while he was still feverish and unconscious from the poison the creature had injected into him.

His last memory had been that of Rhen's frantic calls of his name in his ear amid the searing pain and light-headedness he'd felt before all went black. According to Talia, she'd stayed by his side from when Elini had acted to prevent the poison's spread, to when they had managed to get him to an inn and called for a healer, and that she had refused to leave even when she was almost exhausted.

Rhen…He clutched his side, wondering with annoyance why his body was taking so long to recover. He desperately wanted to go to Clearwater to comfort her and assure her he was alright, as well as to…well. He didn't know if her display of concern meant anything, nor did he want to easily believe Talia's words in case of false hopes.

_All those words came undone _

_and now I'm not the only one  
Facing the ghosts that decide _

_if the fire inside still burns_

While the rest of them prepared for the start of festivities, she was still out here, keeping to herself and not talking any more than was necessary, all the while still thinking about how things had transpired, nursing the ache that had grown as

familiar as practicing sword thrusts and parries had become.

He's dead, she told herself. That's why you woke up to find his bed empty. That's why Talia tersely told you and your party to stay in Clearwater to train up to fight the next daeva. Moving him to Sedona was merely for the storage of his body until they were free to attend his funeral. He's gone and he wouldn't come back. You can't do anything about it, just as you couldn't while by his side because you don't know how to heal anything.

Yet, she wondered. Why does remembering hurt so much?

All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe  
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something  
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again  
I'll breathe again

"How was life before you became a slave?" He asked as they spent yet another night outdoors by a makeshift campfire. She was startled by the question; she'd never expected him to initiate any proper conversation, save for the necessary exchanges required of travelling companions. The harshness of what she next said surprised herself as much as it did him: "I suppose you would expect scandalous stories the way all the nobility think me scum." As you once did, she thought, but immediately felt guilty by the slightly hurt expression on his face. Hastily she stared at the glowing embers of the campfire.

"If you don't want to you don't have to talk about it," he said gently into the awkward silence.

Still staring at the campfire, she said, "Clearwater's a small community so everyone knows everyone else around. My family was warm and loving and so was Dyonna the herbalist, who lived next door. Every Spring Equinox festival there'd be flowers to be gathered to decorate the houses and the maypole was something we'd work on for months. The last festival before-" She stopped. "I…gathered marionbells for Ma. It's both hers and my favourite. It signifies friendship and it's a real honour if you do get one. I did prepare some for my friends before…" She stared down at her wrists and rubbed them gingerly, as if the slave bracelets that once chaffed were still eating into her skin.

"I was kidnapped," she said after a long pause. "They took everything I had on me, shipped me out to the docks at the Eastern Isle and put me on auction. The rest…you know."

"You miss them, don't you?" He blurted out.

Another silence.

_Open up next to you _

_and my secrets become your truth  
And the distance between that was sheltering me _

_comes in full view_

"I used to think that if I could run away I would go back and everything would be okay. But now after I've got back my freedom, it looks like I wouldn't be able to do that for a while." It was all she said, but the sadness that remained in her voice betrayed her.

"That's why we're on this mission," he said, reaching out and touching her shoulder. She started at the touch; it was a long while since someone reached out to her. "So that we can defend what we cherish. It's what keeps us going when we wonder why we uphold our duties." He pulled her close to him. "In the meanwhile since I'm your travelling companion now, I guess offering a shoulder to lean on is what I should do."

He'd also noticed the remnants of her slave rags and the broken bracelets at the bottom of her bag, and asked why she'd kept them.

"All those years in Shadwood Acadamy…" She stopped, all too aware that both of them knew what had transpired while they were at school together. "I had to give myself a reason for carrying on; that I'd be able to stand up and fight not only for myself, but for others around." Another awkward silence.

He'd said nothing more that night as he took up first watch, but when the next morning came, she woke to find her slave rags in neat strips and the metal of the bracelets melded into another familiar shape.

"You keep chafing your palm and wrist after long hours of swordfights," he said. "I used to make a makeshift gauntlet with cloth strips back in Shadwood to prevent that. Here, I'll show you." He'd taken her hand and bound it gently, then placed the carving in her palm. "I made this last night so it's not really nice and it's not the same as a real marionbell, but I hope it helps to show that someone cares."

_Hang my head, break my heart _

_built from all I have torn apart  
And my burden to bear _

_is a love I can't carry anymore_

Marionbells. The Spring Equinox. It was supposed to be a time of renewing acquaintances and reunion, not separation.

I want to see her, he thought.

Quickly he grabbed a few tubes of animal repellent and gathered up his things.

_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe  
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something  
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again_

He emerged from an opening after getting lost in the system of caves yet again; he'd never been a good navigator. Beneath the folds of his scarf and the hood of his cloak he felt out of breath; it'd been a cold night and he had to remain unseen from the critters populating the roads, given his weakened stamina from prolonged bed rest.

Peering outward, he couldn't help but feel dismayed when he saw the town on an opposite hill and at the entrance to another cave. He'd followed the sound of water, thinking that it was a stream leading to Clearwater.

Instead he found a waterfall and…a girl with purple hair bending low over a wilted marionbell.

Rhen.

Even from far he could sense something was wrong with her. Her sword lay on the ground, and from the little natural light left he thought he saw her shoulders shudder slightly, bare in the cold weather.

_It hurts to be here  
I only wanted love from you  
It hurts to be here  
What am I gonna do?_

She could sense the cold as it washed over her body, but it only served to amplify the sadness she felt. It was only a marionbell yet…as she looked at the carving Lars had given her she couldn't help but think that it was all over. Like the real flower, he was dead.

It hurt to think about it.

_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe_  
_Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching_

What on earth was she doing!

He was aghast. _She's not taking care of herself again. _He'd noticed that she was always hard on herself, taking responsibility for everyone's welfare except her own.

But what made him move swiftly towards her as he began to undo the clasps of his cloak was that he knew that somehow, she was only pretending to be strong at the time she most needed support. He could tell that she was not okay.

And as he neared her, he knew she was crying.

_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe  
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something  
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again  
_

She didn't register his presence at first as she felt herself being pulled closer to a warm body. Only thought her imagining that he was here holding her close had become too vivid, almost real. Even the sensation of fabric being draped over her shoulders felt real.

"Staring at the marionbell won't bring it back to life."

His voice jolted her out of her reverie as she turned around to find the source of the sound. The rustle of the cloak as she moved made her realize that the presence was real. As real as the warm hands gently enfolding her figure. As real as the strands of green hair framing his half-concealed face beneath the hood and scarf.

And his eyes. She'd only seen this pair of blue-green irises on one person. The one whom she'd wanted to see so desperately.

Her normally steady hands were shaking as she pushed back his hood and slightly unwound his scarf. Enough to see and recognize his face.

The carved marionbell fell from her grip onto her lap as she threw her arms around its maker and buried her face in his shoulder, no longer trying to wipe away her tears as she sobbed. He winced slightly as the laceration on his back stung slightly from the impact but returned the embrace, trying to put as many unsaid things into the hug as possible.

_I'll breathe again_

"Talia told me…is it true?" His voice was barely above a whisper, not wanting to startle her as her sobs ebbed.

After a long pause, he felt her nod.

He turned her to face him and gently wiped the tear tracks from her face. "She'll probably scold me for coming all the way here from Sedona, but I had to get to you. Rhen, this…" He swallowed. "This festival is the time for a get-together. This is the time for starting over a new season. And it's the time for me to tell you that I'm sorry and that I… I love you. Always have. Always will."

There was a long silence after he'd spoken as she surveyed him.

"I thought you were dead." He could see fresh tears welling up as she shakily began to speak. "Why didn't Talia tell me? Why didn't anyone else tell me it was for your recovery?"

"Would you have gone to Clearwater if you knew I wasn't dead?" He asked. She shook her head as he carried on. "You're the only one who can help to end the threat Lord Ahriman poses. We can only help with so much," he carried on again as she opened her mouth to say that they were a team, just as he'd predicted. "So you have to stay strong. Promise me this?"

She nodded, feeling a little comforted and embarrassed at the same time. Once upon a time she had told herself she would not break down in front of Lars, who had done nothing but humiliate her during her slavery. Yet here she was in the arms of said guy and they both knew she had just cried over him.

"Mother might oppose, but I want to be with you. I'm sorry for being such a jerk and that I didn't tell you sooner. Just that…it'd be pretty weird if I told you you'd become the person that matters the most, when all we had between us was mutual hatred." His lips curled into a wry smile as she began to laugh for the first time in a long while.

"But it changed." Her smile remained even as she stopped laughing. His expression softened as he placed a small kiss to her temple.

"It did." He smiled, genuinely this time. "Come, let's go back to get ourselves warm and give them a surprise."


End file.
